Uncle Jazz deals with it
by 06shart
Summary: Jasper is relaxing alone in the house while everybody is away. That is until Nessie and Jake get home and he has to deal with things he shouldn't have to. Damn Bella and Edward! please R&R xoxo


I was all alone in the house, there was no noise at all. I sighed and retreated into my memories. It was the only time I could do this what with Edward's mind reading. Plus my crazy family's hectic lives. Yes it was peaceful and I let go of my power. I watched it in my mind as it swirled around flashing different colours.

I must have been there for a few hours when I heard the rhythm of their hearts. I could tell it was two people because of the certain pitch. Please don't let it be sales people. I hate those kind of people and so did the rest of my family. They called the house, the rare people who did. They even knew we were rich and tried to sell us expensive stuff. Who knew a toilet seat could cost $250. I remember what Esme had said about them after a particular call.

**Flashback**

_'If they ever call again I'm going to personally pour oil down the phone' she growled yanking the wire out. Everyone tried to hide their laughter, Esme had a nasty temper when she was off on one. 'I think I'm going to go and see Bella' Edward excused quickly rushing out. _Coward! Thanks a lot _I screamed in my head to him. 'Esme dear they are just making a living' Carlisle soothed smiling. Esme sighed 'they asked if I wanted a toothbrush for $10 $10!' she yelled._

_'Sorry I love you gotta go' Alice whispered quietly to me. NO ALICE! I begged shaking my head at her. 'Esme I think I'm going to go and see Mike Newton, I promised him a date if he stopped gawking at us' she told her. That was a total lie and I glared at my favourite pixie. 'Don't string him along dear it's not nice' she said gently. Phew we are all out of the clear. I saw Carlisle, Emmett and Rose relax. 'I'll change the house number, that way they can't call us' she hissed. Great! _

_'Mom me and Rose are off to do some homework' Emmett said pulling his girlfriend upstairs. I never knew homework could get so physical. I glanced hopelessly at Carlisle as she went on the computer. What was my mother doing? Think Jasper think. I obviously didn't need to hunt so damn that one is out. Er you would of thought that at my age I had heard great excuses. However not one to get rid of an angry mom. 'Don't worry son' Carlisle whispered patting my back._

_'Hopefully this will get the message across to them' she sighed holding up a piece of paper to see. _Please do not attempt to sell this household anything. Failing to apply with this message and you will meet a very angry housewife. _I laughed people had to get that message. I relaxed back onto the sofa and smiled. Esme was calming down thankfully. Carlisle smiled at his wife and shook his head. 'Don't worry I think she has calmed down' he told me. I nodded confirming this._

_That was until we heard a growl and a shout from Esme. 'What is it with the likes of you people?' she asked and I winced trying to hide in the sofa. 'We do not want any of your crappy products' she yelled. Carlisle quickly went out to her and calmed her down fully. It was fair to say though, not one person of that company came to our doorstep again. They all thought we had a mad mother. They weren't far off from the truth._

**Flashback Ends**

Anyway they was still there and I sighed. I probably would have to go and see who it is. It was actually coming from upstairs and I sighed. Nessie and Jake was back again. The peace had gone then definitely. I was walking up the stairs, my thoughts still foggy, when I heard them. 'Jake' Nessie moaned. Oh shit no! Why me? I took a deep breath quietly cursing my little Alice for at least not warning me. Then cursing Bella and Edward for leaving them.

I quickly knocked on the door and barged in. I quickly averted my eyes to the bedroom wall. 'Jake out!' I ordered shaking my head. Jake did as I said giving Nessie a quick kiss which I growled at. 'Out' I repeated as he put on his clothes. Now was the time to discipline my niece and about sex as well.

The atmosphere was tense and I was too wound up to calm it. 'Uncle Jazz' she began, 'Renesmee' I responded. She took in a deep breath, 'look it's not what it looks like' she gasped out. Now my little niece that was way too young was lying to me. I raised my eyebrow and she blushed. 'Look you don't understand, I love Jake' she said emphasising on the word love. I rolled my eyes, 'you're too young Nessie' I told her. 'I don't care I look 17' she shrugged.

I sighed sitting down on the edge of the bed. 'We're still in America Ness, if we was in England you'd still be allowed' I whispered as she wrapped the duvet around her. 'I'm my own person I don't need to be allowed to do anything' she shouted angry. Thanks Bella! Thanks Edward! 'I know that Nessie but it's law' I snapped. 'Oh that is rich coming from you, after all you go to people who break rules to have ID. That is fraud and believe it or not Uncle Jasper, fraud is a crime' she bit out sarcastically.

'Look Renesemee you are way too young and you'll wait to you're 1,000 year old before you try any of that stuff' I shouted. 'Like hell I will, Jake is my soul mate like Alice is yours' she protested. 'Did you wait until you was a thousand year old?' she asked. I raised my eyebrow, how had this suddenly gone onto MY sex life. 'I'm older than you anyway, I was 20 when I was changed' I replied briskly. Stupid hormonal teenager! 'See I'm off to find Jake' she cried and walked off, duvet still around her.

It was a couple of hours later that she finally came in. Only this time she was clothed, suspecting Jake's, and was carrying the duvet. I shook my head smelling her, oh just wait until Bella and Edward gets home for this. 'Uncle Jazz' she whispered timidly, sitting down beside me. I glanced at her and smiled, she was still my niece.

'I'm sorry Uncle Jazz I didn't mean it and I know you was only trying to help' she sighed wrapping her arms round my neck. My little niece was back again, 'it's alright Nessie, and even though I know you disobeyed me I still love you' I assured as she cuddled up to my side. 'You won't tell Mom and Dad?' she breathed. I shook my head, the poor girl didn't deserve that torture. 'You better have a shower before they come back though, you smell of sex and Jake' I informed her. She nodded kissing my cheek before running off upstairs. Nice peaceful day then.


End file.
